Dear Future Self

A letter to my future self, reminding me of the important things in life.

Dear Future Self,

 

Sometimes you’re gonna fail.

Okay you might fail a lot. Like, an uncanny amount. But that’s OKAY. It really really is.

One of your most recent “failures” is not keeping up with this blog. The blog you felt such passion for when you first started. The one you planned an entire 3 months worth of posts and wrote less than a handful of them within the first month. The blog you were sure was going to be your introduction into writing for actual real money.

Right now, I see this is a failure. Maybe I still will in the future, but I hope I learn to be a little more gentle with myself.

Instead of writing this blog, I’ve been doing lots of other things. I stayed with my grandmother for 3 weeks, we had a great time, and I don’t regret it for a second.

I’ve also started really reading again, I’m currently reading through the Ken Follett Century Trilogy and it’s fantastic. I still have the 3rd book left to read and I’m loving every second I spend reading.

I’ve watched a number of new movies and loved almost all of them. I’ve gone out to lunch with friends.

So maybe not writing in my blog isn’t a failure. Maybe there’s a reason it was on the back burner. Maybe I needed some time with the people I love and care about.

I often harp on about self care and I thought I had my self care routine figured out but I think I’ve realised that what I thought was self care was in fact quite the opposite. I used to think that my self care involved being introverted and doing things on my own, and for some people, that may well be the case, but I don’t think it is for me. I have noticed that I am much happier if I spend time with people, out of the house, doing something.

Yeah, I’m going to fail hundreds more times in my life, some small failures and some big. Some of them will seem insurmountable or hopeless, but they won’t be. I just need to take a step back and follow what my heart says.

With love,

Your past self.

 

Please stay tuned for more blog posts. I promise they won’t be so self centred!

 

 

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What Next?

I realised I needed to take care of myself, but what comes next?

This post isn’t intended as a follow on from yesterday’s post but it does tie in quite nicely. In essence, I realised I had overestimated my ability to stick to 5 posts a week and had thus failed to do so, quite spectacularly. This could have easily led to feelings of failure and depression, but because I have a good support system in place, I take care of my mental health and I always try to maintain focus on the important things, that didn’t happen.

Instead I sat down yesterday and tried to figure out why 5 posts per week was simply too much and it boiled down to: a lack of motivation, a lack of inspiration, and a lack of energy. Which is why this month is all about me trying to figure out a schedule that works for me, and still maintains some level of momentum on this new project. I don’t want this blog to stagnate and simply putter to it’s own demise, but I cannot overcommit myself because that does myself and the blog a disservice.

It’s currently 4:30pm Monday afternoon as I write this, and frankly I’ve been procrastinating writing this since I woke up. I knew I wanted to have a post up today, but I didn’t have that stroke of inspiration that sometimes overtakes us writers and leads us to feverishly write 500 words without a second thought or pause. Every word feels like pulling teeth and I’m almost certain I’m going to hate this post when I re read it later after I publish it on the blog.

I have no excuse for the fact that it’s 4:30 and there’s no blog, except that I didn’t want to. And since this blog is my own, I have no boss breathing down my neck for me to meet a deadline and I can post whatever and whenever I bloody well please, I am going to embrace that while I can. Eventually I will be held accountable for my work by an employer, and I will not be able to simple roll over and go back to sleep.

Whether that attitude is self care or self indulgence I’m not entirely sure, but I choose to believe that it is self care and that I am doing myself a favour by not being too hard on myself.

In the end, while I hope this blog reaches people and inspires them, it is for me. This is my self care, writing about the things I am passionate about and that make me happy.

I hope you’ll stick around and read whatever comes next, because it’ll be as much of a surprise to me as it is to you!